Tag Archives: boundaries

Let’s Have  Conversation : Relationship Deal Breakers

janae

So your new to the dating scene or maybe getting back out there. What are your deal breakers? What are the things you just won’t tolerate? For everyone its different of course, but I’ve heard some very similar answers recently that I would love to share with y’all.

1. Smokers or drug users

There are times you can tell right away whether someone smokes, drinks or does drugs. But sometimes, this information takes time to emerge. Or you might know about it but think it will be okay. Then you realize that it is getting in the way of the relationship. Be honest about how you feel on this because its not ok to put your feelings aside if its that important.

2. Children

The issue of having children needs to be dealt with early in a relationship. If you really want children and your partner says he or she doesn’t, do not count on this changing. So many people get into relationships hoping that they can change their partners mind. It can definitely cause a rift in the relationship and possibly to end. Listen to your partner and really decide if your really ok with the possibility of not having children.

3. Money

Now this is a big one. First things first, if your a saver and your partner is a spender, this can cause many relationship problems. Sometimes this can be solved ahead of time when the spender agrees to let the saver manage the money. But if the spender is addicted to spending , this isn’t going to work. You have to decide if you can deal with this or not. If your trying to build a future, then this definitely needs to be talked about.

4. Cheating

Last but not least, if you find out that your partner has cheated you have a decision to make. Some people in this situation give their partner another chance. But others move on if they find out that their partner has cheated. If it seems hopeless like its no break in sight, do what you need to do to keep your peace. Just let it go. Now if you both decide to go into counseling and do the deep work necessary to heal the underlying issues, then go for it!

Comment below with your deal breakers and lets discuss.

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It’s A Conversation: In-Laws

janae1

So this for my married folks or my readers in serious relationships. Do you think in the event that your in-laws step out of line, that you or your spouse should take the step to address the issue?

Speaking of addressing issues. What are the topics that you would think you would have the biggest issue with? Maybe suggestions on raising children or advice on running your marriage? Some couples never experience issues with in-laws, but more times then not there are ones who do. In my opinion, there is more issues with mothers and their new found daughters. Also I notice more friction with single mothers. Not saying it can’t be the other way around but its just  something i have  noticed. Its totally understandable,  you have to now put the well being of your son in someone else’s hands for the remainder of his life.

Men are also very territorial over their”little girls”. When they give their baby away to their future husband, they need to be assured of security. But can parents cross the line? I have a few ways to keep the peace between you, your partner and the in-laws.

janae

1. Starting with the main topic of this. Who corrects the situation when one arises? You both do. Communicate with your spouse and you both need to decide first, is it a real issue? If it is you go to them calmly and respectfully and talk it out.

2. Speaking of communication, always communicate with your spouse first. Never go behind their back. Your a team and that’s how you deal with things.

3. Talk about boundaries and stick with them. Once you communicate your problem and come up with a resolution. Come up with a way that it doesn’t rear it’s ugly head again..

You and your spouse are more powerful than you think. You’re adults; you’re a family unit. You can control visits, holiday celebrations, and access to grandchildren. Don’t assume that you’re powerless. No one can push you around if you don’t let them.

Leave your comments below so we can discuss.

~Janae