Tag Archives: children

Let’s Have  Conversation : Relationship Deal Breakers

janae

So your new to the dating scene or maybe getting back out there. What are your deal breakers? What are the things you just won’t tolerate? For everyone its different of course, but I’ve heard some very similar answers recently that I would love to share with y’all.

1. Smokers or drug users

There are times you can tell right away whether someone smokes, drinks or does drugs. But sometimes, this information takes time to emerge. Or you might know about it but think it will be okay. Then you realize that it is getting in the way of the relationship. Be honest about how you feel on this because its not ok to put your feelings aside if its that important.

2. Children

The issue of having children needs to be dealt with early in a relationship. If you really want children and your partner says he or she doesn’t, do not count on this changing. So many people get into relationships hoping that they can change their partners mind. It can definitely cause a rift in the relationship and possibly to end. Listen to your partner and really decide if your really ok with the possibility of not having children.

3. Money

Now this is a big one. First things first, if your a saver and your partner is a spender, this can cause many relationship problems. Sometimes this can be solved ahead of time when the spender agrees to let the saver manage the money. But if the spender is addicted to spending , this isn’t going to work. You have to decide if you can deal with this or not. If your trying to build a future, then this definitely needs to be talked about.

4. Cheating

Last but not least, if you find out that your partner has cheated you have a decision to make. Some people in this situation give their partner another chance. But others move on if they find out that their partner has cheated. If it seems hopeless like its no break in sight, do what you need to do to keep your peace. Just let it go. Now if you both decide to go into counseling and do the deep work necessary to heal the underlying issues, then go for it!

Comment below with your deal breakers and lets discuss.

Stand Up

janae

Hearing the sounds
Of crying mothers
As you smother our sons
With your hand of injustice
Its just “us”
In these streets
It then repeats
Rapid gun shots
Of glocks and automatics
Its systematic
How problematic
These times are
Raise the bar of
Education and responsibility
Have the ability to
Want better and do better
The letter of the law wasn’t addressed to us
In GOD we trust
We must no longer slain
Our fellow man
Then demand “the MAN” to respect us
And accept us
When no one kills their own
Except US
Of course that’s an exaggeration
But you get my point
This joint effort of unity
Is what we need
Plant the seed
Of acting and taking a stand
Rise out the sinking sad
Begin the resurrection of LIFE

 

Written by Jane

It’s A Conversation: In-Laws

janae1

So this for my married folks or my readers in serious relationships. Do you think in the event that your in-laws step out of line, that you or your spouse should take the step to address the issue?

Speaking of addressing issues. What are the topics that you would think you would have the biggest issue with? Maybe suggestions on raising children or advice on running your marriage? Some couples never experience issues with in-laws, but more times then not there are ones who do. In my opinion, there is more issues with mothers and their new found daughters. Also I notice more friction with single mothers. Not saying it can’t be the other way around but its just  something i have  noticed. Its totally understandable,  you have to now put the well being of your son in someone else’s hands for the remainder of his life.

Men are also very territorial over their”little girls”. When they give their baby away to their future husband, they need to be assured of security. But can parents cross the line? I have a few ways to keep the peace between you, your partner and the in-laws.

janae

1. Starting with the main topic of this. Who corrects the situation when one arises? You both do. Communicate with your spouse and you both need to decide first, is it a real issue? If it is you go to them calmly and respectfully and talk it out.

2. Speaking of communication, always communicate with your spouse first. Never go behind their back. Your a team and that’s how you deal with things.

3. Talk about boundaries and stick with them. Once you communicate your problem and come up with a resolution. Come up with a way that it doesn’t rear it’s ugly head again..

You and your spouse are more powerful than you think. You’re adults; you’re a family unit. You can control visits, holiday celebrations, and access to grandchildren. Don’t assume that you’re powerless. No one can push you around if you don’t let them.

Leave your comments below so we can discuss.

~Janae

Dating With Children

janae

When parents divorce or separate, their children’s world is often turned upside down. Feelings of loss, anger and confusion are common in this situation. Children who have lost parents through death have similar feelings. Even children of single parents can have negative feelings associated with “not having” a mother or father in their life.

When a parent begins dating, these negative feelings can be intensified for the child. Dating is a huge step for single parents—and their children. If you’ve decided to start dating, it is important for you to discuss and accept all of your child’s feelings when this happens. It’s also critical that you carefully consider who will be spending time around your children.

When a parent begins a new relationship children experience a range of emotions, such as:

1.Feeling insecure:
Some children may feel their security threatened when their parents begin to date. They may become angry and aggressive. Some children wonder if they will still be loved if their parent finds a new partner. Make sure to ease your child’s fears by showing and telling them how much you love them. Show an interest in everything they do and congratulate them for their achievements as well as their efforts.

2.Dealing with change:
It is sometimes hard for children when there are changes in their everyday life. This is particularly true when it involves a parent’s new “friend.” For example, be sensitive to how your child feels when he/she comes around. Keep things as routine as possible.

3.Worries about a new parent:
When dating gets serious and children hear anything to do with a possible “new parent,” they may be concerned that one of their parents will literally be replaced. Make sure to reassure your child that if your new relationship becomes permanent your new partner will be an addition to their life, and not a replacement.

Remember, your children need comfort and reassurance. They need to know that their parents will always love them, even if and when their parents form new relationships. Comment below to discuss the topic.

 

~Janae

LETS GO BACK……

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So what happened
To throwing dirt in the school yard
Showing friends that you go hard
Mud pies
And slip in slides
Swing jumping
And dry humping
OK well….maybe not me per say
I’m just saying
Life was easy
Things we’re simple
Back then
Back when people talked on the phone all night
Guys actually had fist fights
No smart phones or tablets
Just street lights and habits
Ice cream truck chasing
Converse lacing
Face to face convos
Corner store to get combos
First kisses and disses
From the girl next door
Back then
Because less was more
House parties and chilling
Block parties and grilling
Its the small things
Going to the way side
Whats your favorite past time?

ARE HIS EYES BLIND TO ME?

are his

Fighting tears
As everyone cheers
For her new edition
Her fishing for compliments
And sentiments of love and
Someone to care
Its not me
Sorry…..I’ve been fighting for to long
And trying to prove them wrong
Saying look I can do it too
Was it the truth?
I don’t know, as I yell and plea
For the heavens to give me a chance
To dance the dance of happiness and joy
For a boy or a little princess
Angels born in incest? Yea I’ve seen it happen over and over and over
Her ovar…ies  must be blessed
But mine are tainted and freshly painted with a sign saying “No Eggs Here”
The fear of never knowing
If my turn awaits sits in the pits of pits
Stomach doing flips but
Not the kind I want nor desire
A higher power knows more
And has poured in me understanding, patience and stillness
I receive this
I really have no choice in the matter
Yet and still the splatter of words of pain caused to my babies
Well not mine but the babies of the world…by a girl
Who God thought was a better fit then me
Oh please
I scream and demand a response
But there isn’t one
Just a quiet wind with calm and assurance
That the purest of moments shall be mine soon….

One Day

~Janae~

Levels of Love: Bring Family Back

ja

What is your definition of love? Webster’s defines it as “a feeling of strong or constant regard for and dedication to someone”. I’ve come to realize the meaning of love has changed over time to most people. I’ve also realized that love is just something people don’t necessarily believe in anymore. True love, honesty, respect, loyalty and most of all marriage are not a part of the foundation of humanity in the past years. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard “It’s just not worth it”, “It’s too much” or my new favorite “It is what it is”. What does that mean exactly? What kind of nonsense is this? I grew up in a time where relationships were important for positive progress.

jaaa

A time where family, and marriage were the backbone to society. The lacking of this important element is causing a rise in single parent homes. For example, fatherless/ motherless sons & daughters. Do u know that scientists have proven that a fatherless son’s brain structure can be permanently altered to become more aggressive and hostile? A motherless son leaves her son hostile toward women because there is lack of trust toward the female sex. Research has also proven that a home with no father figure effects the daughter more than the sons. Because of this little girls start looking for love and acceptance in the men they meet during their lifetime resulting in acts of premature sexual activities. Other downfalls to single parent households are something scientist call “role reversal syndrome”. This is where the parent that’s missing causes the child of the opposite sex to find it very difficult to depend on the man/ women in their life or become too dependent. In this case they become the thing that’s missing in order to cope. The modern twist that has been put on love has crippled us as a people and has sent a message to our children that commitment and a strong foundation isn’t important. So cases in point, let’s show our future to love themselves so others may love them the right way. So now the cycle of destructive behavior can be broken.

Janae