Tag Archives: relationships

Let’s Have  Conversation : Relationship Deal Breakers

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So your new to the dating scene or maybe getting back out there. What are your deal breakers? What are the things you just won’t tolerate? For everyone its different of course, but I’ve heard some very similar answers recently that I would love to share with y’all.

1. Smokers or drug users

There are times you can tell right away whether someone smokes, drinks or does drugs. But sometimes, this information takes time to emerge. Or you might know about it but think it will be okay. Then you realize that it is getting in the way of the relationship. Be honest about how you feel on this because its not ok to put your feelings aside if its that important.

2. Children

The issue of having children needs to be dealt with early in a relationship. If you really want children and your partner says he or she doesn’t, do not count on this changing. So many people get into relationships hoping that they can change their partners mind. It can definitely cause a rift in the relationship and possibly to end. Listen to your partner and really decide if your really ok with the possibility of not having children.

3. Money

Now this is a big one. First things first, if your a saver and your partner is a spender, this can cause many relationship problems. Sometimes this can be solved ahead of time when the spender agrees to let the saver manage the money. But if the spender is addicted to spending , this isn’t going to work. You have to decide if you can deal with this or not. If your trying to build a future, then this definitely needs to be talked about.

4. Cheating

Last but not least, if you find out that your partner has cheated you have a decision to make. Some people in this situation give their partner another chance. But others move on if they find out that their partner has cheated. If it seems hopeless like its no break in sight, do what you need to do to keep your peace. Just let it go. Now if you both decide to go into counseling and do the deep work necessary to heal the underlying issues, then go for it!

Comment below with your deal breakers and lets discuss.

Unsure Love: My Poetry

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So many times
Time has given
Us a moment
Where time stands still
And still….nothing

Its something I cant
Let go of
Unsure love
Make sure of
My feelings
Before spewing doubt
Cause I could do without

Hesitation in my words
Because they’re never heard
Just laughs and jokes
Pokes of fun at feelings
My dealings with you
Have changed and rearranged
Into simple hi and byes
Because what I’ve realized
Hurt quite a bit

But it’s ok
It’s my fault anyway
So I sit and sway in my thoughts
In my moments of solidarity
The only way to have clarity
Is to hide you in my poetry

Janae

 

It’s A Conversation: In-Laws

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So this for my married folks or my readers in serious relationships. Do you think in the event that your in-laws step out of line, that you or your spouse should take the step to address the issue?

Speaking of addressing issues. What are the topics that you would think you would have the biggest issue with? Maybe suggestions on raising children or advice on running your marriage? Some couples never experience issues with in-laws, but more times then not there are ones who do. In my opinion, there is more issues with mothers and their new found daughters. Also I notice more friction with single mothers. Not saying it can’t be the other way around but its just  something i have  noticed. Its totally understandable,  you have to now put the well being of your son in someone else’s hands for the remainder of his life.

Men are also very territorial over their”little girls”. When they give their baby away to their future husband, they need to be assured of security. But can parents cross the line? I have a few ways to keep the peace between you, your partner and the in-laws.

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1. Starting with the main topic of this. Who corrects the situation when one arises? You both do. Communicate with your spouse and you both need to decide first, is it a real issue? If it is you go to them calmly and respectfully and talk it out.

2. Speaking of communication, always communicate with your spouse first. Never go behind their back. Your a team and that’s how you deal with things.

3. Talk about boundaries and stick with them. Once you communicate your problem and come up with a resolution. Come up with a way that it doesn’t rear it’s ugly head again..

You and your spouse are more powerful than you think. You’re adults; you’re a family unit. You can control visits, holiday celebrations, and access to grandchildren. Don’t assume that you’re powerless. No one can push you around if you don’t let them.

Leave your comments below so we can discuss.

~Janae

Dating With Children

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When parents divorce or separate, their children’s world is often turned upside down. Feelings of loss, anger and confusion are common in this situation. Children who have lost parents through death have similar feelings. Even children of single parents can have negative feelings associated with “not having” a mother or father in their life.

When a parent begins dating, these negative feelings can be intensified for the child. Dating is a huge step for single parents—and their children. If you’ve decided to start dating, it is important for you to discuss and accept all of your child’s feelings when this happens. It’s also critical that you carefully consider who will be spending time around your children.

When a parent begins a new relationship children experience a range of emotions, such as:

1.Feeling insecure:
Some children may feel their security threatened when their parents begin to date. They may become angry and aggressive. Some children wonder if they will still be loved if their parent finds a new partner. Make sure to ease your child’s fears by showing and telling them how much you love them. Show an interest in everything they do and congratulate them for their achievements as well as their efforts.

2.Dealing with change:
It is sometimes hard for children when there are changes in their everyday life. This is particularly true when it involves a parent’s new “friend.” For example, be sensitive to how your child feels when he/she comes around. Keep things as routine as possible.

3.Worries about a new parent:
When dating gets serious and children hear anything to do with a possible “new parent,” they may be concerned that one of their parents will literally be replaced. Make sure to reassure your child that if your new relationship becomes permanent your new partner will be an addition to their life, and not a replacement.

Remember, your children need comfort and reassurance. They need to know that their parents will always love them, even if and when their parents form new relationships. Comment below to discuss the topic.

 

~Janae

CLICK THIS…..

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Ladies and gentleman.There’s been a long standing debate on whether social media really does effect relationships. Some say it can based on facts such as social media giving you the option to search for people,direct messaging and just some content alone that can cause issues. Now others say it doesn’t. Its the people in the relationship that are the issue. Some say “if it was a conflict in the relationship already,social media had nothing to do with it.” I say it’s a bit of both. And here’s why.

I do agree that social media has a part in the issues with some relationships. But only as the source used. The person using this source is the bigger culprit. You can’t have a issue with rude or inappropriate messages,pictures or posts and blame the source. It didn’t put it up there on it’s own. So to be upset or against social media because “it ruins relationships” is bull. Your issue is with the person using social media as their diary or personal venting session about your personal relationship troubles.

This just proves more and more how times have changed. People don’t talk anymore. They just hide away in their mind and tell themselves and their partner that nothings wrong. But as soon as Facebook, twitter,snapchat etc opens up it’s like the flood gates open up. You can definitely have a healthy relationship and be apart of social media. Communicate with you significant other and find out your comfort levels with what you do and don’t discuss. Common rules to this social media/relationships battle is:

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Rule #1: Avoid the premature relationship-status change. The worst thing is becoming “Facebook official” before you’re actually official. “You need to have that conversation before you change it”

Rule: #2: Stop mindlessly browsing. Studies have shown logging more time on Facebook was linked with more conflict. So it’s smart to limit your daily posting, especially if you’re often sneaking a peak at your newsfeed while you’re together.

Rule #4: Friend exes with caution.One of the riskiest features of Facebook is that it makes it super easy to communicate with an ex. Which is why the common debate—can exes stay friends?—is only amplified online.

Rule #5: Brag a little bit. Don’t worry: Not all social media habits are relationship kryptonite. In fact, couples who regularly post profile pictures with their partners and share things about their relationship online are also more likely to feel happier about their bonds.

As usual I would love to know your view on the topic so comment below.

NEVER SETTLE!!

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So why do we feel like we have to settle? I was going to write about why women settle in relationships but I realized we as a people settle all the time. In love,at our jobs and our friendships. Why do we feel like we don’t deserve the best? Let’s explore this.

In relationships we settle for comfort-ability. We settle for just knowing that someone is there and not caring if they are any good for us or not. We overlook red flags and clear signs that something isn’t right. We ignore advice and help from others. Sometimes knowing that we’re settling and not even caring just to keep from being alone.

With jobs we settle because we just want to make a dollar. All money isn’t good money, we have to remember that. There are times when you need to think about your integrity more than money think about it,is the job worth the stress that you go through on a  normal day-to-day basis? There’s no point making good money if you’re too tired and worn out to even enjoy it. Most of these companies do not care about your mental stability so you need to know your worth without the promise of money.

As far as friendships go ,basically if they’re not there for you like you are there for them then they shouldn’t be there period. I’m a firm believer in communication,love and respect in friendships. In all relationships it is give and take, make sure you are not only dealing with takers. So to sum this up, YOUR GREAT AND YOU DESERVE GREAT IN WHATEVER YOU DO!!